{108}{153}Hey Jeremy. How's it goin? {189}{229}Are you gonna get up today? {250}{286}It's almost 8. {322}{392}Ok um... You don't have to talk or anything.. uhh... {408}{440}How about, umm.. {440}{513}One blink means yes and two blinks means no. {525}{610}Umm, do you want me to get you a glass of water? Or maybe some food or something? {698}{755}Was that.. was that one blink or two blinks? {840}{895}What is.. what is three blinks mean? {923}{974}Oh yea great. Ok, thanks. Yea... {1042}{1134}Ok Jeremy now this is ridiculous. You're going to have to get up today no matter what. {1146}{1182}Piss off Kyle. {1189}{1240}Jeremy its not that big of a deal, ok? {1240}{1323}A lot of people break up and they don't spend all day moping around in bed. {1335}{1391}Besides, I think it's a really important part of the show {1391}{1492}This is an important part of your life, I'd like to document it. Can you at least turn and say something to the camera? {1539}{1600}Ok fine Kyle. But I'm not getting out of bed. {1619}{1673}That's fine. You can just say it from there. {1687}{1736}No, you got to come under the covers. {1757}{1784}Under the covers? {1784}{1832}Yea. I'm not doing it unless you come under the covers. {1870}{1905}Ok fine. Just for you Jeremy, {1905}{1953}we'll do the interview under the covers. {2008}{2035}Alright. {2051}{2077}*Jeremy farts* {2077}{2133}Ahhhh! Gross! Uhhhh! {2647}{2701}*machine* 3 new messages. {2710}{2736}*beep* {2740}{2811}Hey Jeremy, uhh, this is Jim from work. {2818}{2912}We missed you today. Why don't you give me a call back and let me know what's going on. {2924}{2949}Thanks. {2980}{3005}*beep* {3017}{3062}Hi Jeremy, its Jim. {3067}{3141}So I just want to make sure you got your work schedule this week. {3146}{3174}Because... {3174}{3230}You, uh, missed another shift today. {3231}{3306}So, heh, ok... Please give me a call. {3348}{3376}*beep* {3395}{3432}Jeremy its Jim. {3433}{3457}Uhh... {3459}{3525}This is the third consecutive shift that you've missed this week. {3561}{3637}You're the most efficient manager of locations of products that we've ever had. {3698}{3746}But I'm still going to have to let you go. {3760}{3836}We need someone that's more reliable. I'm sorry. {3865}{3892}*click* *beep* {3892}{3940}*machine* End of final message. {4037}{4090}Jeremy, uhh, what are you doing? {4106}{4167}Oh I'm just cleaning up some Facebook photos. {4212}{4265}Maybe you should try doing something different today. Like, {4265}{4342}Going outside... You know, just anything to break the routine. It might help {4342}{4390}you, uh, get her off your mind. {4422}{4452}Get who off my mind? {4461}{4510}Well, Tagi of course... {4554}{4594}Who's... who's Tagi? {4634}{4700}Ohhh. You mean one of those girl's I used to date. {4710}{4794}Yea, no I don't think about... them anymore. {4866}{4937}You know Jeremy I think it's pretty obvious that you're in denial here. Which is ok! {4937}{4987}Because it's a pretty heavy thing to deal with. {4998}{5035}Kyle, I'm not in denial. {5065}{5101}You're in denial! {5119}{5222}Well I'm not the one with the issues to deal with here. So I actually think I am not in denial. {5228}{5301}Well... Kyle... That's kinda what all denialers think. {5311}{5361}And... You know denial is... {5371}{5420}not just a lake. {5504}{5551}Sup. {5574}{5608}Oh hey TBag. {5639}{5666}Think so? {5689}{5728}Yea ok, I'll meet you there. {5732}{5753}Ok. {5775}{5855}TBag thinks I should probably go do something different. So I'm going to go meet him. {6063}{6115}Well, like life's like pretty awesome right now. {6123}{6188}You know? Don't have a job taking up all my time. {6193}{6246}I don't have a girlfriend who's... {6251}{6321}You know, gonna nag me and I got to worry about and stuff. {6334}{6405}You know. Just gonna, gonna go solo for a bit, you know. {6421}{6521}Cause grouping... You know, can just hold you back sometimes you know? Get griefed or something. {6550}{6601}I got nothing to do. Its awesome! {6632}{6724}If I.. if I just want to stand here I can stand here, right. No one can make me do anything else. {6781}{6844}This is my spot on the side walk. I'm gonna stand here. {6877}{6945}Oh now I feel like sitting down. So I'm gonna to sit down. {6974}{7017}Cause I feel like doing it. {7040}{7117}Oh I'm feeling tired. Well.. I guess I'm gonna lay down now. {7122}{7175}Lay down in the middle of the road. No one's gonna stop me. {7195}{7229}Now what's gonna happen Kyle? {7234}{7292}You're gonna get run over and you're gonna die. {7389}{7440}Well becides that Kyle. You know.. {7455}{7499}Still... It's my choice. {7510}{7564}Well that looks like a good place to stand right here. {7593}{7626}That's a great place to stand Kyle. {7626}{7679}Well yea thats great. Stand there, you're gonna fall on your face. {7687}{7717}Yea so? {7740}{7794}My face Kyle. Do what I want with it. {7826}{7891}Oh I'm hungry Kyle, I wanna eat some plant... I'll eat some plant. {7891}{7939}This looks like a good plant. I uh.. {7958}{7987}That plant. {8008}{8040}I decided not to eat it. {8040}{8088}Cause I'm free Kyle. I'm a free man. {8381}{8416}Hey yo Drew I'll talk to ya later. {8421}{8451}Oh one more thing Drew... {8453}{8479}You suck. {8494}{8534}What's goin on man? {8534}{8568}Good?| Yea it's all good. {8572}{8603}Come on lets go. {8640}{8681}So what's going on with you man? {8694}{8747}You know its... good. {8750}{8820}No what's... what's going on with the situation? {8832}{8894}Oh.. well... you know I'm just {8902}{8942}decided I'm done with girls, you know? {8942}{9006}I'm just gonna take care of my self for ever, you know.| No, no no no. {9006}{9075}You don't mean you're done with girls. You don't mean that. {9089}{9114}Well... {9127}{9197}I kinda am cause... Tagi, you know, she's like {9197}{9236}one in a mill.. {9245}{9308}thou... like.. hundred. She's like one in a hundred, you know. {9308}{9356}And Kyle helped me with that.. {9356}{9418}The only cure for girl trouble {9430}{9494}Is more girls! HAHAHA {9494}{9532}Well its...| YEAAAAAA!!!!!!! {9532}{9599}It's easy for you to say, but I donno what to do. {9599}{9663}Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy {9690}{9719}Let me tell you somethin. {9725}{9782}There's only two things that girls like. {9803}{9830}They like money... {9842}{9873}And they like cool. {9893}{9940}You ain't go no money. {9950}{9979}well.. {9997}{10027}I'm cool. {10043}{10063}Jeremy {10068}{10124}You're wearing the same clothes since the first day I met you. {10124}{10160}The same shit! {10169}{10208}Come on, you're teh_ownerer {10212}{10256}Own some new clothes. {10288}{10317}Ok. Fine. {10332}{10357}Lets go shoppin. {10372}{10398}Let's go. {11175}{11222}So, Jeremy this is it. {11238}{11302}You are ready. I salute you. {11312}{11356}Check this out, Queens street. {11366}{11416}You know how many girls are in this city Jeremy? {11424}{11450}no... {11470}{11503}2 MILLION! {11513}{11535}Thats a lot.. {11535}{11571}2 million girls in this city. {11583}{11629}And they're all yours for the taking. {11629}{11677}Look. Look at those girls over there. {11677}{11737}Mmmmm. Why don't yo go talk to them. {11759}{11820}Oh.. No, I don't even know like... {11835}{11913}Come on, go...Go. You're ready man, you're ready. You're the fuckin man. {11934}{11981}You are the fuckin MAN! {11989}{12063}I'm the man. I'm the man. Ok. Ok | You go! You go! You go! You go! {12076}{12111}Be confident! {12116}{12149}You betta own that. {12493}{12513}What? {12522}{12561}It's stupid man. {12574}{12596}What? {12596}{12634}This is gay man. It's totally gay. {12634}{12702}Heh, Jeremy this is the exact opposite of gay. {12732}{12759}Observe. {13405}{13427}Jeremy. {13436}{13494}Meet Cindy... and Lisa. {13494}{13537}Actually it's the other way around. {13537}{13561}Whatever. {13574}{13597}Hey. {13635}{13691}They gonna be chillin with us for the whole afternoon. {13698}{13719}That's cool. {13725}{13787}O.... M.... F... g.... {13824}{13874}After you ladies. Lets roll. {13961}{14023}TBag, TBag. What... what did you say to them? {14055}{14102}Nothin nothn.. heh. It's cool. {14102}{14147}No seriously, like what did you say to them? {14147}{14194}Why I just said the magic words baby! {14201}{14242}Whats, whats the magic words? {14277}{14343}How would you ladies like to go for a ride on my yacht? {14525}{14580}Tsssssssssssssssssssssssss {14643}{14698}Tssssssssssssss {14744}{14789}Are you ladies having a good time? {14797}{14819}Yep! {14829}{14879}Pretty sweet boat.| Really nice. {14900}{14936}So what else is up with you man? {15000}{15061}I didn't tell you, I'm getting a slave! {15124}{15152}A slave... {15159}{15178}Yea. {15178}{15266}It's like this dude, his named Chris from California. He's commin down. {15270}{15356}He's gonna like, do all my work for me and stuff. And I don't even have to pay him. {15362}{15404}It's the best idea ever. {15419}{15454}Yea thats amazing! {15459}{15529}You know what? I have a whip at my house. Why don't you borrow it?! {15581}{15648}Yea. Know, with the whip I can totally train him faster. {15656}{15687}Thats.. Thanks man. {15732}{15774}So what do you guys do? {15774}{15836}Oh.. well... mostly I just play games {15836}{15884}We're professional athletes. {15898}{15979}Oh really. You know, I used to date a professional basketball player. {15986}{16055}He was really good too. You know, he always started... {16059}{16108}And he's really good looking... {16110}{16143}Basketball players are hot. {16150}{16207}Last night I got so hammered. {16207}{16264}Oh my god me too. Where did you guys end up going? {16264}{16290}We went to the brenney. {16292}{16379}Last time I was at the brenney it was full of all these fat guys... {16379}{16420}Fat guys? Uhhhh. {16428}{16528}There was this guy who was totally staring at us. He was such a creep! {16531}{16583}Like don't they have anything else to look at? {16588}{16642}Yea, so when we were dancing last night {16642}{16764}This guy kept trying to take pictures of us so he can like put it on his myspace page. {16782}{16843}What a creep. Thats gross!| I know! {16843}{16935}It's like last night. Some bitch was totally dancing on my pole. {16935}{16948}Who?! {16948}{17003}And like 'Bitch! This is totally my pole!' {17003}{17037}I hate it when that happens! {17037}{17078}Like what a bitch.| Bitch... {17090}{17115}Skank.. {17115}{17186}Jeremy. Which one do you want?|Well the other day this guy comes up to me. He's like... {17186}{17285}Oh. I don't really like either of um.|'You seem like a really nice girl. Can I buy you a cup of coffee sometime?' {17285}{17354}So both for me!|And I'm just like pervert!! {17357}{17430}Yes!! Hehehehe|What a pick up like too! They are so dumb. {17436}{17472}We got to hang out more often. {17575}{17616}This is a really deep cooler. {17983}{18038}Jeremy I can tell you're not really feeling this. {18064}{18110}If there's anything that you want to do {18114}{18184}We'll do it. Today's your day. Whatever you want to do we'll do. {18223}{18268}Play some games... {18293}{18344}Oh you know what, why don't we just go to Dave's house. {18360}{18425}He's having a bar-b-que. We'll just go check out Dave. Chill with him. {18427}{18487}Ok. Well, what about the girls? {18533}{18567}Let's get other ones. {18988}{19041}Shit... you know. {19066}{19091}Right?| True. {19101}{19127}Totally. {19333}{19371}This is it right here man. {19391}{19456}Beer, burgers, and bros. {19479}{19521}Don't get no better then that. {19536}{19577}Word to your mom you know. {19801}{19835}Hey. Hey dude. {19846}{19883}Flip the burger man. {19883}{19949}How is this supposed to make me a.. a better gamer? {19955}{19981}Yo dude. {20005}{20034}You ever watch Karate Kid? {20042}{20059}Yea... {20068}{20095}SO!!! {20111}{20143}Wax on! {20166}{20202}Wax off. {20739}{20801}*Jeremy's funky ring tone plays* {21038}{21071}Talk to me. {21121}{21142}oh {21153}{21189}Oh hey. {21216}{21265}Oh you know I'm just... chillin. {21269}{21333}maxin.. relaxin.. stuff. {21351}{21381}Well I donno {21381}{21422}Let me check my schedule. {21478}{21556}Alright. I could probably squeeze you in this afternoon. {21594}{21615}Ok {21640}{21668}Yea I'll see you there. {21691}{21725}Don't be late {21783}{21817}Guess who that was Kyle. {21834}{21896}It's Tagi. She wants me back. {21920}{21961}I mean obviously. Look at me. {22057}{22105}Wait till she sees, like, the new me. {22123}{22188}She's gonna be all like 'Please please please' you know. {22188}{22250}I hope she dosn't start crying and stuff like when she's begging. {22256}{22298}Grabbing on my pant leg and stuff. {22307}{22346}She might embarrass herself. {22358}{22406}It's probably a good thing we are in public. {22657}{22684}Hey. {22697}{22721}Uh Kyle.. {22727}{22815}Um, I was kinda thinking it would just be me and Jeremy so... {22815}{22867}Is it ok if him and I talk alone? {22878}{22941}Uh yea sure. I can go across the street and grab a coffee. So uh.. {22941}{22957}Ok {22957}{22983}Do you mind if I leave my bag here though? {22983}{23018}No that's fine.| Ok. {23044}{23090}For realz you know. {23319}{23352}I like your new shirt. {23358}{23408}Obviously. Its made with real gold. {23416}{23475}Its like 42 karats of real gold. Pssht. {23510}{23554}So uh... What have you been up to? {23567}{23623}Well you know, me at T been chillin. {23629}{23698}Crusin around... Pickin up like lots of girls. {23728}{23778}Oh. Are you seeing someone? {23788}{23857}Someone? Yea I've seen lots of girls you know. {23873}{23947}Look, I wouldn't worry about it. Like, I got some room for you still. {23955}{23981}Room for me? {23992}{24052}Jeremy why are you acting like this? This is not like you. {24063}{24125}Well this is just the new me. This is cool. {24143}{24188}Well maybe I don't like the new you. {24208}{24278}Well... I don't see why not. All the other bitches do. {24295}{24315}What?! {24322}{24385}Oh, I'm just saying. If you can't take this {24409}{24444}maybe you're like a {24444}{24544}Look Jeremy. I came here to be civil. I came here to talk to you and tell you whats on my mind. {24550}{24606}But apparently you're just going to be an ass. {24609}{24637}Oh an ass. {24641}{24684}Well you can eat a dick. {24695}{24751}Oh eat a dick? Maybe I will! {24755}{24857}Maybe I'll eat 50 dicks! Oh! Look here on the menu. Dick sandwich! {24857}{24934}Oh and look at this! 9.99 all you can eat dick. {24997}{25049}Look Jeremy. I'm sorry, ok? {25122}{25176}I know that deep down inside you're a good person. {25192}{25280}We had really great times together. But, I just, I don't think it's going to work out. {25297}{25326}We're just too different. {25343}{25375}Oh.. Well.. {25382}{25426}I mean if it makes it easier for you {25426}{25508}You can just kinda be one of my girlfriends, right. You can be like my alt or somethin. {25558}{25625}Jeremy. I didn't come here to get back together. {25644}{25679}I came here to get closure. {25709}{25728}Closure? {25740}{25776}Yea. Closure. {25796}{25856}Well.. Pftt, you're not getting any closure. {25868}{25964}Well we already had our conversation and I've already said what I need to say. So I've already gotten my closure. {25992}{26029}Well then I'm gonna take it back. {26053}{26083}Jeremy... {26101}{26133}I'll see you around. {26161}{26222}You will... You'll see me around lots of girls. {26233}{26270}Like all over me and stuff. {26289}{26339}Hanging off me, you know. All happy. {26376}{26408}Real happy... {26432}{26456}Cool {26616}{26638}So how'd it go? {26645}{26697}Pfft. Just like I expected, you know. {26703}{26745}She all wants me back and stuff. {26769}{26820}Told her, no isn't gonna happen. {26826}{26912}She starts crying and... I don't have time for a girlfriend anymore, you know. {26912}{26984}Its like... guys make way better friends anyways. {26997}{27021}so {27589}{27624}*Doug clears throat* {27640}{27674}I'm pretty beat man. {27696}{27735}Can't keep my eyes open anymore. {27800}{27833}Play some xbox? {27870}{27910}Yea. We can do that. {27963}{28014}Alright guys. I think I'm going to bed. {28044}{28088}Think I got enough footage. {28130}{28150}Night Kyle. {28154}{28190}Alright good night guys. {28252}{28290}Whoa. There's like a... {28300}{28332}There's like some kinda movie in here. {28332}{28380}NO NO NO! Jeremy! Wait! Don't press play! {28390}{28436}Turn it off guys! Guys! Turn it off! {28452}{28485}Guys. Turn that off. {28485}{28527}*the sound of a chick moaning comes from the tv* {28527}{28575}Ok guys.... Guys. {28605}{28676}Alright turn it off. Yea thats hilarious. Yea... {28684}{28742}*Kyle's voice comes from the tv*|'Ok Ryan if you've got the stroke, uh, lift your right leg.' {28746}{28796}Kyle? Kyle was that you? {28796}{28846}oh.. Oh my god dude! {28846}{28884}THAT WAS YOU!!! {28915}{28956}Ok guys.... {28962}{29043}It's for work. It's not even finished. No one is supposed to see this. {29074}{29143}*from the tv*|'Hey. What's all this banging noise? I'm trying to get some sleep.' {29158}{29271}*from the tv*|'Why don't you join us? Sure that sounds fantastic.' {29292}{29355}Oh god. Did you write that? That's real good Kyle. {29405}{29446}Dude! What is that?! {29481}{29548}Oh ohohohohoho {29548}{29621}Eww eww ewwww AWWWW GODDD {29648}{29718}AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! DUDE!! DUDE!!!!!! {29726}{29747}Ohh man. {29747}{29785}Oh dude I'm sorry. {29787}{29884}Ohh dudeee. I'm sorry. {29918}{30020}Dude your balls must have been full. It's all over the place! {30062}{30145}*porn sounds are still coming from the tv* {30238}{30278}Sup Dave? {30831}{30855}Well Dave. {30865}{30896}It's up to you. {30929}{30974}Are you sure you wanna do this? {31278}{31305}I'm all in. {31533}{31563}Fold. {31825}{31906}YEAHAHAHA DUDE! I go all in too bitch! Check it out! {31914}{31944}Pocket Aces! {31944}{31985}He's got the balls! {31989}{32036}Beat that Dave! Beat that!| Thats game! {32049}{32102}wwwwhhhhhAAAAAAATTTTTTT!!!!!!! {32278}{32344}Hearts! Hearts! Come on!! {32366}{32439}No!!!| YEA DUDE!! HEARTS! HEARTS! HEARTS! {32524}{32613}Awwwwwww. Noooooooo! {33127}{33169}So what are you doing now Jeremy? {33179}{33286}Oh I'm just like.. making like a list of all my life plans and stuff. {33304}{33398}Really? Thats great. I always thought you could benefit from being more organized. Do you mind if I have a look? {33421}{33460}No. Thats cool. {33497}{33602}Alright. So you're gonna meet Miyamoto, and then you're gonna make 50 grand. How are you gonna make 50,000 dollars? {33623}{33719}Oh. I'll win some tournies. And then... you know, like invest. {33734}{33767}Invest in what? {33795}{33848}Well like stuff Kyle. Like investments. {33850}{33884}Its what you do with money. {33914}{33948}Vasectomy?! What? Heh {33954}{34007}When are you getting a vasectomy? {34011}{34055}What do ya mean 'getting a vasectomy' Kyle? I'm makin it. {34064}{34103}You're making a vasectomy? {34103}{34172}Kyle I've been making it for like a year, it's almost done. It's the name of my game. {34177}{34230}You're naming your game vasectomy... {34233}{34266}Yea Kyle vasectomy. {34268}{34307}It's like the best name ever Kyle. {34308}{34334}VASECTOMY {34337}{34432}Its like the name of like the end dude. He's got like big knives on his hands. He just cuts people's head off. He's like {34434}{34449}VISUCK! {34449}{34469}VISCUK! {34484}{34504}VISCUK! {34504}{34527}VISCUK! {34529}{34570}It's gonna be so awesome Kyle. {34610}{34649}At least Dave learned to knock. {34690}{34730}Hey Dave.. {34753}{34770}Hey. {34904}{34974}Sooo.. This is it huh? {35072}{35107}Hi. I'm Chris.