Where is that god damn soul glow? Ahh thats the last time....
Jeremy, Jeremy.
Man you will not believe the day I'm having today.
You know days when you are in the zone? That is today man.
Yea yea. Why don't you tell me all the details.
Man it was just a beautiful day like every other day. You know what I'm sayin.
I was runnin around.
Gonna get me some intel.
You know I was runnin on the bridge.
Check it out there was no one in sight man.
Just the whole place to myself, you know.
I was comin, comin round the corner.
And I come face to face with the scaryest motha fucker I ever seen.
This guy got muscles commin out of his lips and shit.
And I look at him. And he looks at me.
I was like, man I just ran so damn fast.
Man he was shootin at my ass and shit.
What ya a big pussy man?
I aint no pussy. I aint gonna die either man.
I was commin around the corner.
Lay down some spikey balls and shit.
I just kept goin bout my buisness.
You know what i'm sayin?
Leave that dude to play by himself, you know what I'm sayin?
Shiney
I donno what happened to him but I aint see him again.
So I head around another way.
And I come across the geekest lookin motha fucka I ever seen.
Hi, wuz you buildin man?
He turns around, he's all like.
'Hey I'm increasin efficiency by 20%'
'Not that anyone is gonna appreciate my job or nothin.'
Why thats a pretty nice job man! Hahaha!
I keep on goin bout my buisness. You know what I'm sayin?
So I head out side, get some excersize. You know, strech my legs and shit.
On my way to the intel.
You know I was gonna run down to the basement.
Commin round the corner and I hear this..
'Can you believe it? I mean I threw the trap out
And I had the ???? And, and, can you belive it?
I told him 'Don't cross the streams.'
Hear this, he crosses the streams!
Man, it can always be worse, man.
Yea? How does it worse then that?
Heh.. foos!
So, you got the intel? Where's the intel?
Man let me finish my story.
So I'm busy escaping.
I turn the corner and run into a brotha.
You ran into your brother?
No man just A brotha.
Cool lookin cat too man.
He's got the eye patch, he's got the dew rag.
He look just like us except he's got a red shirt on.
And he's all like 'Hey! Mind if I take that intel?'
And I'm like, sure man!
Wait wait a minute.
You gave the intel to a red guy?
Hell yea man! Saved me some trouble.
You dumb ass! You're supposed to kill the red guys.
The.. The red guys?
I, I thought I was supposed to kill the white people.
Good and evil.
This is a dicotmy that rarely applies to the real world.
Trust no one that tells you otherwise.
There will always be opposition
because there will always be noobs.
Mock them.
Own them.
But never hate them.
For without noobs..
we would not be leet.
We are not here for fun.
We are here to win.
Do you think I teach you because of my charitable nature?
Do you think I stand before you
because I have a heart of gold?
When the time comes
and it may be soon
you will stand together under my command.
And we will be victorious.
May 13th 1976 was a landmark day in gaming history...
The speeches, they just go on and on. He just won't stop talkin.
I just wanna play games, you know?
I wanna train, you know! I'm serious about this stuff. I dont care about history.
I'm not in school! I don't care about the battle of 1974 when some guy discovers micro..
Dave?
Where are you goin?
Uh, I'm hungry. I'm gonna eat.
We just ate.
Yea...
Well I mean we can get food at Tagi's, we are almost there if you are still hungry...
Dude! You deleted her shit!
She's gonna freak out!
Thanks, Dave...
Kyle, this is gonna...
YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!
*choking and growling sounds while psycho type music plays*
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?!?!
YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT!
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Hey guys!
hey...
Well why don't you come inside?
o.. o.. ok....?
I'm sorry I didn't call you yesterday. I've just been so busy.
Do you guys want a drink?
Yea sure.
o.. ok..
YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!
I hope you choke and die on that!
Do you like the taste of that poison?
Does it burn? DOES THAT POISON BURN?!
TIER FUCKING 5!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET THERE?!?!
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY RAIDS?!?!
I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!
AHHHHHH!!!!
I'm gonna have to eat and run because I'm going to have to go to class.
Oh, school...
Yea. I almost forgot I was enrolled.
But It's not all bad.
Me and my friends are going clubbing later, so it should be fun!
We're gonna hang out..
What about WoW?
There's no... no raids tonight?
*inhails* I forgot to tell you!
You'll never believe what happened.
Somebody hacked my account and deleted Tagi!
No?!
Ah, its no biggie. I called up Blizzard support and they restored her.
But the weirdest thing is, is when I finally got her back
I didn't feel like playing!
And so I did some stuff, and when I came back
I still didn't feel like logging in.
So... I haven't played since.
And I've been geting so much done!
I painted the house,
I've been studying, and like going to all my classes.
I started going to the gym, which I've never even done before and.... *music fades in*
Kyle!
The weight just off my shoulders Kyle!
It feels like the whole morning I've been playing heavy and I just switched to a scout
I'm like, leleleleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hahah!!!!!!
Kyle! Halo 3, halo 3 tonight
Best day ever Kyle. Best day ever!
So, what's with all this Halo stuff?
What? Halo owns kyle.
I've never seen you playing any kind of Halo game...
Well I, I just got my XBox right? Like what am I supposed to do?
So if you haven't actually played the game, how do you know that it owns?
Well, I donno, cause they are like the best games ever
You know? Like everyone knows that Kyle. Come on.
So what is Halo anyway? What kind of game is it?
Halo is, uh, fps Kyle. On the 360...
I thought all fps console games sucked.
Look how knows so much about games now. Yea.. my brother Kyle.
Well I'm just repeating what you've been saying for the past 2 years.
Kyle! There's exceptions to all the rules, Kyle.
And.. you know..
Everyone's talking about it. I've been dreaming about it.
And, and, why would everyone be taking about it if it's not so awesome Kyle?
Well everyone is talking about it because somebody spend a lot of money to make everyone talk about it.
You ever consider that?
Well... They didn't spend money on me and I'm talkin about it.
In fact... I'm giving them money... so...
GG to you!
Its like my whole life, like, has been leading up to this one moment you know?
Kyle, its like the longest line up ever!
Its the... great line of China..
Hows it goin guys?
Its ok, if like, I just chill here?
Its a pretty long line...
You know, we kinda like, been here for a while...
Dude I'm so excited too!
Hey! Dude its Terrance!
Dude! Terrance!
Do you want to wait with us?
Alright.
Cool!
Yea I'll wait.
Awesome.
Dude,
Who is that guy?
Thats Terrance Brown.
He's one of the greatest Halo 2 players in the world.
Oh.
Hey, man. Hey.
Sup? You want an autograph too?
Well no. Do you want an autograph?
I'll give you an autograph. I mean..
Check it out Kyle. Its like...
bigger then the whole XBox you know. Its like so full of awesome.
Its times like this I'm glad I got a job. Like...
You know.. like some people.. you know like..
Like this guy, heh
What's the little box? Like...
What's with the fridge sized cube man?
You moving or something?
No its...
This is what Halo fans get, you know. Its like...
If some people can't afford it I understand.
Yea you know why I cant afford it, cause I only made like 250k last year playing Halo.
You know, I'm broke, poverty.
Well, I could of made that much too if I wasn't so busy.
You know, owning noobs like you.
Did you just call me the N word?!
Yo! YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME THE N WORD!!
Well, like... I did.
You know what...
Lets just squash this man.
My name's Terrance..
My friends call me TBag.
Hey TBag. Jeremy..
Cool.
My friends call me teh_ownerer.
Teh ownerer?
Yea..
You're teh ownerer?!
Yea, thats me..
Naaa...
Yea! Thats me!
Get the fuck out of here man, you teh ownerer?!
Yea man,
WHAT!!!
Man. You got to come to my launch party this weekend man.
Big launch party goin on.
Its Halo.. All my boys are gonna be there.
Ok yea..
Matter a fact, I'll give you my card. Just give me a shout.
Ok.
You wanna come give me a call.
A card...
Make sure you practice.
Bring your A game. We gonna nuckle up.
Oh that won't be a problem, heh.
I'm gonna be playing a lot of Halo.
Alright, thats what I want to hear. Yea.
So you going to open it up any time soon?
Kyle...
Just hold on a bit, you know. I've been waiting my whole life for this.
Ok. Yea you really have to sit there smelling it. Thats like ridiculous.
Kyle! You're ruining it for me. Like, come on!
Its a nice box though... Its like crazy.
So crazy...
There's like a better box inside the box Kyle!
Ohh wow! 2 boxes!
Ohhhh! Look at that Kyle!
Awww, so cool!
Wow... Thats awesome...
Awwwww...
So thats the game?
No, no thats just the bonus content Kyle. Its exclusive.
Kyle...
What the hell is that?!
Ohhh Kyle! Check it out!!
Do you want to see what the greatest piece of Halo merchandise ever conceived looks like?
Jeremy, thats ludicrous. Ever conceived...?
Kyle! It says right on the box!
Its right here.
Right there. Ever conceived Kyle.
So cool...
It's like my new best friend.
Hey buddy. Hows it goin? Pretty good. Yea, same too.
What do you think Kyle? Time to watch the special features?
Why don't you play the game?
Fine, I'll put the game in.
This is dedicated to the gamers that been holdin' down since Halo 1.
(Then you have no chance to survive. Make your time.)
Welcome to HD.
Yea.
Yeah, it's T-Bag in the motha fuckin' house.
Representin' my gamers
with the three-six-oh skills.
Droppin' crazy sticks on yo' ass.
Bitch.
Step to me, I have you cryin' hax.
Brick yo' shit... cause you a Red Ring of Death!
What?
Gamers that talk shit
get owned real quick!
What? You can't handle me?
Then you better go play wit yo' Wii!
Kirby playin' bullshit!
(Heh) Wario and all that. Shit...
"Itsa me!" Fuck that bullshit!
"Letsa go!" Get the fuck outta here!
Bitch!
A'ight, check it.
All you PC gamers out there...
With your keyboards,
your little mousey pads, huh?
You like-a the little mousies?
Fuck that shit!
Dual analogs, bitch!
Ha ha ha ha!
Awww shit...
Shotty snipers again?
(Aw shit, that guy got me again, man! Lucky motha fucker!)
(Jewi... What the fuck is he doin' my corpse? Balls?)
(Is that... His balls in my motha fuckin' face! Get that motha' fucka! His balls in my face!)
PUT 'EM UP SON! PUT 'EM UP SON!
Spiker, Mauler, Rifle, Stick
Don't matter what I use you're goin' down real quick!
Spiker, Mauler, Rifle, Stick
Don't matter what I use you're goin' down real quick!
It goes up, down, left, right...
Silly codes man, you tryin to get more life?
Thought you knew: I'm the best around the city!
It's a pity that I'm witty and pretty, you shitty.
Straight outta Blood Gulch!
I'm T-Bag, see!
I'm comin' all black: no sugar, no cream!
I'm the motha fuckin' Halo king of this planet,
my nuts in your face, you'll be screaming "God damn it!"
Im'ma whoop yo' ass on yo' own birthday,
the worst day,
dehydrate you,
you thirstay.
I'm so sick at this game I cough,
I play for the win, you play for the loss!
(As of midnight about 10,000 stores have put the heavily hyped Halo on sale.)
(Halo 3 embodies our vision for the future of entertainment.)
How many gamers are ready to lose?
Don't need no ammo! Shred you up with my sword!
How many gamers are ready to lose?
I dip my sack in ya' mother fuckin' eye!
In my Wart-Hog, your life is short, dog.
Cause you're history, my talent's a mystery!
YOU THINK YOU'RE MASTER CHIEF?
Well let me make it brief.
Cause round here son, T-Bag is number one!
Red, or blue: don't matta who.
Both my balls, is comin' for you.
This is team slaya', you betta' say a praya'!
You suck motha fucka'! Go back to single playa'!
From the C-G-S to the M-L-G,
I P-O-N-E N-double-oh-Bs.
Cause it don't matta if I never heard of ya',
fuck Jack Thompson, it's fun to murda' ya!
(The game is a futuristic drama about hostile aliens.)
(Having conquered the software industry,)
(Microsoft now has a firm foothold in the entertainment business.)
How many gamers are ready to lose?
Don't need no ammo! Shred you up with my sword!
How many gamers are ready to lose?
I dip my sack in ya' mother fuckin' eye!
Yeah, you man enough to face the untouchable, impregnable Terrance Brown?
LIFT, DIP, T-BAG!
Is that you Bill Gates? You motha fucka...
Oh.. Whats goin on man? How you doin?
Welcome to my crib. Come on in.
If Kyle's with me thats cool right?
Yea its cool, its cool.
We already got some gaming going on. This is Ryan.
???? Yea, don't worry about him.
Anyways. This is my crib right here.
TV. We are gona get some Haloness goin on.
There's my boy right there. Thats Chris.
This person over here, we call him Chibato.
We call him ????, just remeber Kybot.
That dude over there. Thats Jupiter.
Jupiter? Thats Jupiter right there. Yea he's just gaming right now.
That dude over there. Thats Doug.
Ok. So we are gonna game it!
Get right into it. Ok?
You mother fucker!
Halo... halo..
Haha beat down! You ain't goin nowhere. You dead, you dead.
Yo! Have a seat man.
Yea.. sure.. Yea Sit.
Come on. Grab a controller.
Actually, I brought my own controller.
Its all Halo eh, its pretty awesome.
Yea, thats...
wicked man, yea.
Yea, its totally awesome.
Cool...
Do you mind if I like sit there man?
Alright, now its ON!
Yea!
Why are you guys killing each other? You're on the same team!
Hey, do you guys mind, like uh, if maybe me and Doug just play a quick 1v1?
I think thats a great idea!
Yea, sure, thats fine...
I'll watch that... its my house...
Oh... I'm kinda impressed Doug.
Like I just figured you'd use the sword and run around and back stab me.
Oh really? Well is good that you recognize my skills.
And you know, appreciation feels nice from time to time.
You know I kidna like this 1v1. Its nice and fair.
Heh. So do I! I mean no one is gonna come out of nowhere and save your ass.
Man, like anytime you wanna join the party dude!
Yea well if you stop running away Doug...
Running away?! I've been chasing you for 5 minuets. Turn around!
Yea turn around... I've been looking at your back for 10 minuets. You're the hiding bitch.
Hiding bitch, it's called the cloak. Just because I know where all the items are on the fucking...
Yea! Why don't you just lick my balls!
Yea?! Well since when did you grow a pair?
I grew a big pair.. oh I'll show ya
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
TBag rule number 1:
There is no balls showing in this house!
Yea, its too bad theres not a no noobs policy.
I'll call you tomorrow man.
See ya!
I guess... I should go too?
Ok... I'll uh... I'll see you guys later.
Jeremy!
Jeremy wait up!
Can you believe that Kyle?
He's gonna talk to me like I'm the bad guy...
What did I do?!
This whole sides thing...
It used to just be about owning, and thats it!
I can't wait until its all over Kyle.
We can not ignore the threat that is before us.
Our enemy has a history of relentless aggression.
They seek to destroy us...
And they have the means.
Hard to believe that this single tool ended an entire war.
Now its going to prevent one.
Ohhh, hohohohoho. YEA!
WHOA YEA!
ITS HEAD SHOT TIME!!!
Ohh you saw that!
Oh where you goin buddy?!
Oh are you on fire? Oh no! Its too bad for you, hahahah!
OH YEA! You want a bat? I'MMA GIVE YOU THE BAT!
Hey Jeremy.
Jeremy!
What kyle?!
How come you're not playing Halo 3?
Playing what?
And I was a little wee baby. And my mama always rock me in my crib.