Previously, on Pure Pwnage.
K, this is like my show...
You might know me as like teh... teh Pwnerer.
So you want me in the show then ?
What'sup I'm Doug...
BOOM HEADSHOT !!!
Dave what's going on ?
He lost, to a noob !
Why, have you come here ?
Maybe you know... I get some extra training.
So you're gona come out toninght ?
Anastacia is gona be there man, she wants to meet you !
Blackrock Mountain... It's a place !
Jeremy what are you doing ?
Ohh Kyle...
When I kiss her and stuff...
It just makes me wanna like....
like Pwn something !
So the other day Jeremy is telling 'bout this gamer army he's putting together
What the hell is that ?
You're carying a gun ?
Master...
We were attacked !
By whom ?
I don't know. But like...
They had weapons !
I'm going back to china !
I'm sorry I can't be in your internetshow anymore. -Dawei
Hey dude what'sup ?
Hey Doug. I'll talk to you later !
Whatever !
The masterer was fighting in the 8 bit wars,
While you boys were still playing with your Atari 2600
But it's gona take more then a few pawns
and a mere bishop...
to stop...
Me !
It's the decisions you make...
When you have no time to make them...
That define ,
who you are !
I haven't seen that in a while !
Yea I just...
Was kinda reminisant you know about...
The whole, old neighbourhood and Doug and stuff...
How come you guys don't hang out anymore ?
I don't know you know... we just kinda drifted apart.
What are you doing ?
Just taking some test footage !
Ohh...
it's.. for your class or whatever ?
Yea !
Actually I do need someone to be the subject for a documentary for my film class...
Do you mind if I follow you around and film you ?
Ya !
So it's cool ?
No, Ya I mind Kyle !
Jeremy, it's not gona be a big deal...
I'll just follow you around, you just do what you normaly do...
Kyle... I'm a buzy guy...
You know ? I got clanwars Tomorrow you know...
I can't be taking time off I'll be noobified !
I'll buy you a Smoked Meat Sandwich
When ?
Tomorrow !
Ok fine Kyle , one day !
Just one day , I'm buzy I don't need complications !
Don't worry, nothing bad's gona happen !
Sup... ?
SUP ?...
WELCOME !
Am I.. am I like dead ?
Is ?..
the GG for me ?
NO !
K , that's good cause you know ? I was totaly looking forward to living in a tube !
And like... totaly play games with my mind and stuff you know ?
JEREMY !
Do you feel comfortable here ?
Are you at one...
with this place ?
I don't know ?...
What kind of games you got, you know ?
Or if there's... noobs to pwn, you know ?
Here there is no conflict !
There is no confrontation !
Nor is there , hostility !
There is nothing, but harmony...
And Pure Love !
Looool !
LOOOL !
That's like the gheyest thing I've ever....
Maybe... you wanna go maybe...
maybe... comp stomp some pc's ?
Let's go roll Alliance on a PvE server.. is that fun? have fun !
We're gona play Gears of War cooperative mode...
I heard the story's real good !
I am the Pwnage...
BITCHES !
Jeremy ...
Jeremy ?...
Time to get up !
Am I dead ?
Jeremy it's 4 o'clock, you're not dead !
You're sleeping... we need to shoot today.
ugh... just play alliance... on a PvE..
Jeremy, we're not playing WOW.
We're doing the show today !
Jeremy ! ... Time to get up !
Ahh Kyle...
AHHH KYLE !!!!
..hey... 'd ahh... welcome to show...
I don't understand why Kyle's gona wake me up....
Everytime we do the show !
Because we can't shoot the entire show at night.
We need some daylight shots.
Kyle, the show is realistic... I'm not up during the day !
This is fake, you know like...
Waking me up all hours of the day.
See, what Kyle doesn't realize...
Is that the world, has like a whole bunch of different like time... like zones, you know ?
And... I'm just trying to work you know !
I'm trying to get my time zone..
To be... Like what South Korea's is , So...
when I go there and start winning all their Tournaments
you know, I'm not like... all tired you know !
So... We're shooting wide screen now ?
Yup !
Can.. can you see that ?
Yea !
It's not gona make me look fat is it ?
So... If you guys can't recognize me
y'know I've been ehh...
Getting in shapez and stuff !
Exersizing
After my...
Near pwned experience y'know I just...
sort of realized that there's just few things in life y'know...
More important then your health y'know so....
So I got this like.. routine and stuff....
Like , wake up and do like situps... and some pushups and stuff and...
and I'm doing some stairs and stuff...
Just all around just...
making sure y'know...*sighs*
I'm good to go !
So ya... I mean I'm... like a new man y'know !
Even ehh...
even got a job !
Well I...
Kinda manage... the locations... of...
Various y'know, Products !
Jeremy, you stock shelves !
Well I mean... If you put it that way Kyle you just...
hold a camera right ?
Not all of us are so lucky...
And we don't all stuff for free from mom like Kyle
Who just got a big wide screen TV for free cause he's top of his ladder in film class !
y'know and I gota spend all my own money and get...
get a new monitor for myself !
Anyways !
There's tons of exiting stuff always going on so....
Yea, you must be pretty exiting with the new Command and Conquer coming out ?
No , no I'm not at all actually Kyle !...
Why not ?
Well...
Like they say right... you can fool me once...
and shame on me !
But... fool me twice and...
.. can't fool me again, y'know ?
I thought that was your favorite game though !
Well... It was but...
You know, its just something called integrity Kyle.
Can't do that to me again y'know... fall in love with a game and...
Then have it run out on you y'know !
and not be supported !
..well let me put it this way Kyle !
You don't watch Kevin Smith movies anymore since Jersey Girl
Yea... I guess...
There you go !
Also... I just don't care right ! I'm just...
not gona think about it and...
maybe... you wanna get some shots of the old monitor before...
I'm gona get rid of it ?
We've been... together for like a wrong time, y'know ?
It's a good monitor and stuff , y'know ?
It's not just too big, it's just....
new monitors are just so much thinner, y'know and... ?
nicer looking, y'know ?
just... one for the road.
It's... not fair for you.
just not fair !
I don't like... walk anymore , y'know ? I just like to...
Jog ! better for the heart, y'know...
Jeremy, that's not really jogging.
W' mean ?
*gasps* ...this conversation, y'know... *gasp*
*gasp* this one game... game *gasp* totaly pwn it
*gasp* ..embaras everybody...
Jeremy , I can't understand what you're saying !
I'll tell you noobs a story...
It's about a guy, his name is ehh...
John...
And John is like SO good at games , y'know ?
He totaly Pwns like everyone like at every game he plays !
And he's got like this brother... His brothers name is like... Keith !
and ehh... Keith's like...
the hugest noob, y'know ? He like...
totaly sucks at everything... but...
it's not really important for the story though, we're talking about John !
And one day John meets this guy...
and he thinks he's gona kick his ass and then...
The guy totaly pwnes him !
And John y'know starts making excuses , y'know...
he's like... maybe it was lag y'know... Or maybe I was having a bad day and then...
And then he kinda gets depressed a bit...
Thinks... maybe he should move on with his mom and stuff and...
Then y'know...
then he finaly just...accepts the fact that y'know..
The guy was better then he was, y'know and...
It's kinda a tough thing to do sometimes... But it's a good thing !
Because , y'know ...
It's those people that are better then you that make you get better y'know ?
You gota just... put your nose down. You gota work harder , you gota train harder, y'know !
And you gota think about that guy...
So next time you meet you're gona walk up to him and say y'know what ?
I'm gona kick YOUR ass... and then you do y'know !
It's been so long Kyle !
so good Kyle...
*phone rings*
Hello ?
Hey Norm what's going on ?
Is that the guy ?
Yea, I'm right here with Jeremy...
actually... we're in the area you want us to come by ?
Awesome , ok I'll see you at 10. Bye !
Kyle, he's got like this noob friend...
who's like selling his Xbox 360 because he wants to get a PS3 !
So...
I'll go buy for like 300 bucks and ehh...
it'd be awesome !
I got like money now and stuff but...
Still don't wanna waste time at the bank !
Hey Jeremy, just hang on one second...
he plays a lot of games... and I think he knows about the show !
and he thinks he's pretty good so...
So he might.. he might want to play you...
but if he plays you !
y'know... don't embarras him !
Like, he's my friend and...
I don't think he knows you too well.
And he's also got anger management....
Dont, Kyle... Kyle don't worry about it Kyle... It's OK !
Ohh hey Kyle what's going on man ?
Hey not too much, how're you guys ?
Hey Kyle ! Pretty good we're good !
How's the... Hows the Pownage going ?
It's good, yea the show is doing awesome !
That's good... good for you guys man !
Cool !
Hey'ehh... you're the... Your the Pownage guy ?
Yea... yea I'm ehh...
the Pownage guys... I guess...
Nice to meet you man !
Ya for sure yea !
You guys want some toast ? or...
Ohh no... no we're totaly stuffed !
Yea, I bought it 2 months ago... It's still in good shape I just...
wanna get rid of it to get a PS3...
Yea, the graphix are WAY better !
You're ready to do this ? or...
Yea, sure !
Ah man I'm no good, y'know ?
Yea... I bet !
Ohh... what's going on here... oh Hey ? Ohh NO...
Ohh... you can't see the screen !
ahh alright !
This is really embarasing, for all of us here !
Ohh, yes you are getting...
dummied by the boards...
I'm hitting you on the boards !
Honestly, if I were you right now I... would be losing...
That is for sure !
I would be like down a few goals !
And... there's another goal !
*munch munch munch*
Yo 'up ? What's going on ?
Yea, I'm SCHOOLING this guy in 2k7
Yea, it's pretty embarrassing !
Yea...
Oohh...right around the boards and... Wrap arround Jones !
I don't know ?...
Maybe I was just born with it like...
God was like, Hey !
You're amazing at everything !
Thanks ! y'know... what ur gona say to that ?
Ohh... you stink at the game... I'm better then you !
At the game !
Ohh ohh... OOHH Lord... That was a GOAL !
Ohh... I feel bad for you !
Ohh... MAN !
And there's another one.. thank you good sir !
Ohh no... No sugar for me.
Thank you. *slurps*
Hmmm... Victory Tea !
Want some ? Ohh I'm sorry you can't have any !
OK, Alright... I see what's going on here !
alright... Ok, yea ok ! Alright !
Are you a garbage man? Because that was trash !
No no... I want do that...
Alright !
Alright.. and that's a garbage goal !
What ?... is that... Cheap... I mean...
I thought I was supposed to just put... the puck in the net !
Well... y'know... it's fine ! If you wanna play like that ?
Then, that's how we'll play !
Ohh... there you go... you got me ! You're too good for me ! so...
Me and Kyle're gona get the Xbox and get out of here...
Wait.. Why don't you stick around ?
No it's fine like, we got lots of stuff to do where gona go..
Nah..common sit down... we'll play another game !
Noo... you're too good for me... too good for me ! So.. were just gona... get the Xbox and get out.
ow... this guy's a NOOB !
Ok, y'know... let's play one more game !
Just one more... We got some time me and Kyle... We can play one more game !
Yea, sit back relax. Take your coat off !
Ohh what is going on here?
You are really trying to pull it together
I can tell that you're really trying to pull it together !
I really hope it works out for you... I...
Ohh I'm s... Did I just...
Was that lucky that time? Cause it looked like the puck was on a string or something !
Yea well...
I was just moving it arround and I just put it in the net !
Well... Here's your crown fluke artist.
Here you go !
Ok, Well ehh... ok,
Lucky !...
You are lucky !
Your getting lucky... Lucky...
I almost let you touch the puck, that's kinda lucky don't you think ?
No ! NO it isn't !
Ohh... I'm sorry I didn't mean to...
Put that in the net like...
I could have waited for your goalie to...
Well, this controller is a piece of shit K... What do you expect me to do here !
Ohh, maybe ... take some money off the price then ? if it's not a good controller...
Only one good controller ! You wanna...
Maybe we could switch or something ?...
No I ... I... it's really though... I...
I don't really think it's the controller...
I think I just... I had some chip grease on my thumb and my finger slipped...
So why don't we just try it again !
Ohh, let's make it more fair... make it more fair !
Ok !.... alright... Well, I can do that !
Alright !
Well I... I was turning the controller around,
When you turned yours around !
That's ok, I understand yea...
That's so weird how we just had a face off... That went back in like that !
Yea !
Is it like a gravity maybe on your net ? No !
Did you use a cheat or something when I wasn't looking ?
There's a problem with my back ....
Hey where do you think you're going ? NO, no, no We're playing this game !
Don't even... What're you.. ?
I'm just... stretching, ohh... my back hurts ....
OHH C'MMON !
Ohh, my back hurts a bit... *grunts*
Ohh ok, ya I mean... ohh there we go !
Much better !
You don't even understand the beating you're gonna get.
Is there a bus here ? Is there a schoolbus ?
Maybe it's outside... did you call the schoolbus ? Kyle I think...?
Ohh, Ohh I called the schoolbus and it's gona run over a *????* And I'm gona...
You guys have tested the Xbox. It clearly works !
You don't have to play anymore !
ALRIGHT !!! Ok...
Nobody...
Nobody, beats me in Tabletennis !
If you can beat me in Tabletennis...
You can just TAKE the Xbox !
But if I beat you...
I keep the Xbox...
AND your money !
Ok.
So what your gona do with your cash ?
Nah, I'll guess I will spend it !
Why don't you save it ?...
Put it in the bank, put it in the mutual fund you'll make interest !
That way when there's something that you actually wanna buy...
You'll be able to buy it right away instead of saving up your money !
You always spend all your money as soon as you....
....
Hey OMG, what did you win the lotery or something ?
Pretty close !
I gota work soon, but you wanna play some Wii ?
Eh YA !
You guys wanna come in and use my TV ?
Common !
C'mmon... try harder then that, I mean...
Aww I'm sorry, I didn't mean to end it so quick !
That's cool, that's cool. I'm I uhh...
Stand back, stand back... I've been working on this move okay ?
that's ehh... pretty good for a first throw , y'know ?
Owww YEA !
That was SO GOOD !
That was good yea, beginners luck !
Ok, let me try again... my turn.
*gloating laughter*
That's real good, that's real good !
Owww YEA !
Strike strike strike...
Strike strike strike !
Y'know... maybe we should just play some Xbox or something.
Yea ok, that's cool !
Un believable...
So much fun ehh ?... ehh Ya !
So awesome !
HA HA !... YEA, ha ha .. YEA !
You weren't playing ?
Ohh, no... Yea I was Ya...
*evil gloating laughter*
*mumbled taunts*
Ok, jeremy you won...
What if my parents walked in ?
Your dad would be like ...
Damn that guy is good at games !
That was weird !
Jeremy... don't you think you're being a bit hypocritical ?
Ohh Kyle, we're gona have words again ?
Well I mean, you don't like it when people gloat against you ?
How come you're like the king of gloating, you gloat all the time !
Well, I mean I don't like it when people gloat when they are not better then me Kyle...
That's wrong !
I mean, if you were way better the the guy...
Ya you can gloat on me, that's fine !
If a guy was way better then me then....
Well.... That never happens. So...
no point talking about it, y'know...
You wanna play a game together ?
Like... Gears of War Co-op mode ?
I gota go to work pretty soon...
So I should probably get ready !
You practice up, we can play it later !
Ok... Y'know ?
See you later ok ? Bye...
Are you gona go with him ?
Uh, no I don't have anything to do.
Ok, well...
I'll turn this off I guess...
Hey, I rented Dr Strangelove... Do you wanna watch it ?
Ok !... What is it ?
It's a good movie it's ehh...
It's got George C. Scott, Peter Sellers it's really good !
It's it in black and white ?
Yea, it's awesome !
Ok ?.....
You... wanna do me a favor maybe and...
Take the controller back from your mom ?
Jeremy... When do I get to watch MY tv ?
Oh that's not your mom ?... ohh...
Well maybe you should go find her cause she's gota be better then you !
Who're you talking to ?
That's my brother Kyle....
Yea... He does kinda sound like that !
No he's not in any closet or anything he's standing right next to me !
OK, So I guess you don't want this package that came for you !
What package ?
I don't know... it's from some Jim Vessella guy...
Don't know any Vessellas Kyle. It's probably just another love letter !
I dunno... it's pretty thick !
Probably loves me a lot !
Where is it from ?
California..
*sings* California....
It's probably like a... fanclub rejection letter
From that ghey show you watch all the time !
Jeremy... It's important for me to watch the show...
Cause I need to know what's popular on TV !
Ya... Sure Kyle ! Ya, has nothing to do with Mischa
You want the package or not ?
Gimme the package !
It's... the new CnC Kyle...
Well... I'm not gona play it !
Jeremy... I don't see what the big deal is.
Why don't you at least install it , it's a free game !
Well...
I just don't wanna get like all attached to it again !
Y'know and then they'll just abandon it and...
Part of me died that day Kyle...
Jeremy, you're focussing on all the negative stuff...
You had some great times playing Generals and Zero Hour !
Your the one that invented the Gamma Battlebus strategy, that was awesome !
Ya, and ehh...
Changed the balance of Toxin GLA and Nuke China forever !
And you remember that time you beat Trojan with...
One Technical, and took the Clanwars title ?
That was awesome !
Ok fine Kyle , alright... I'll install it...
but that's it !
Is that ?... Is that my shadow team ?
Is that your crane ?... Ohh I'm so sorry !
Is that your harvester ?... What about your harvester ?
Y'know Kyle ?
I'm kinda glad this all happened, y'know like...
The whole like...
Near Pwned experience !
Just... Kinda make me realize... There's...
only two things, important in my life y'know...
That's pwning noobs and...
And having friends I can really trust, yknow ?
I don't think I ever would have gotten out of there alive if...
... it wasn't for Dave !
Hey guys... got the stew ready, just the way you like it !